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I’ve received a lot of letters from you guys thanking me for writing about my anxiety and my PTSD from cancer treatment.

My friend E (who is also going through cancer treatment) told me about how he was watching a movie that had a hospital scene in it. He started to feel “icky” and uncomfortable and didn’t know why and then he realized that he was being triggered by the hospital scene.

So what can you do when this happens? For me – if I can recognize and acknowledge that I’m being triggered by something. That helps dissipate the feeling for me.

Doing square breathing can help. I have this photo in my phone and I will use it as a guide to help me. Sometimes when I’m anxious I need something to focus on to do this exercise. If I don’t have this photo then I look around the room for something square and follow it with my eyes while I breath.

I also do things like pretend the radiation machine is my friend.

When the radiation techs leave me in the room alone and I’m lying under the machine I say “Hello machine” and then when it’s weird arms move around doing it’s zapping and I pretend that it’s hugging me and zapping me with love lasers. Ha ha.

I saw my therapist last Thursday and we talked a little about the trauma. We are going to start doing EMDR in the new year.

I’ve worked with her using this method on other trauma. It took me a little while to understand the process but once it clicks it worked really well for me.

But working on trauma is exhausting difficult work and the last thing I need right now is to feel more exhausted. So we are going to work on this once I’m done all my cancer treatment and I’ve had some time to heal from the radiation.

What kinds of things do you do to nurture yourself when you’re having anxiety?

I forgot to tell you about Gerry …

Yesterday I made a flippant tweet to Gerry about how I NEEDED these exclusive Nicora Johns shoes from MooShoes.

Nobody NEEDS gold sparkly shoes but you know what he did? He bought them for me. Told me it was my “push present” for getting through all my treatment.

Gerry Kramer is my hero. Not because he bought me shoes … but because he’s so thoughtful and kind. He’s my biggest supporter. He has been such an amazing cheerleader for me this entire time.

No wait … I mean he has been an amazing cheerleader for me since the day I met him. He makes me feel like I can fly if I just put my mind to it.

I have sobbed into his chest more time than I can count this last year. I’ve collapsed onto the floor in tears a thousand times. I’ve crawled into his lap and cried like a baby and yet he never waivers in his belief that I can get through all this hardship that cancer brings.

He believes in me.

I wish I could reciprocate but it seems impossible. I can’t keep up with him. He’s amazing.

How did I get so lucky?

I had a pretty good week. Went to radiation every day. Walked the dog on the beach every day. Have a nap every day. Make dinner with Gerry. It’s the same. Every day feels the same.

Except that it’s not the same … there’s so many changes. I’ve been feeling a little more fatigue. So that means less running errands after radiation and more napping. So far I haven’t felt like the fatigue is debilitating but I also know how to handle my fatigue. I had Chronic Fatigue all through the 90’s … so I feel like that bout of illness has prepared me for this. It’s simple. When you’re tired … you must rest. 🙂

Although Gerry says I’m like a dog pulling at the end of my leash. So maybe I’m not so good at resting. Ha ha.

Another change is that I keep walking by the mirror thinking I have eyeliner on but it’s actually MY EYE LASHES!! They’re pretty weak and spindly but they are absolutely making their way back. Yippeee!

My eyebrows (these are them make-up free) are becoming full again. It is the WEIRDEST feeling when I wash my face because I can “FEEL” my eyebrows. I have been washing my own face for over 40 years … and yet I got used to having a slick hairfree body so quickly. Ha ha.

The hair on my head is coming in as well but I’m still shaving it once a week. It’s not very thick up top yet and so it looks like Captain Picard. I’m going to keep shaving it until the stubble starts to thicken. Plus I kind of enjoy being bald – it feels powerful for some reason.

This week I finally made it to the Relaxation Program at the Cancer Center. It’s on Thursdays at 1:30 and for some reason something always stops me from going. I finally made it a priority this week and went and now I wish I had done that sooner.

All the patients lay on mats in a darkened room while someone talks you through a guided meditation. Before the meditation started we went around the room and talked about where our “happy place” was in times of stress.

Some of patients talked about beaches at sunsets or walking through the woods in the snow … I told everyone about my ET glowing chest visual that I use when I do my radiation and how I think of radiation as a Love Laser helping my body to be cancer free. Ha ha. I’m such a weirdo.  🙂

After going around the room the guide then used each of our “happy places” in the guided mediation. It was really fantastic. I almost burst out laughing when she started talking about love lasers. 🙂

During the meditation there are 3 volunteer “strokers”.

I know. “Stroker” sounds kind of porn-ish but they are wonderful. The strokers are the same volunteers who do the Theraputic Touch sessions. Their job during the guided meditation is to make sure you don’t fall asleep. If you do … they come over and gently “stroke your feet and legs” and it brings you back to that place of relaxation instead of deep sleep.

They also do energy work on each person. I had a stroker on my feet/legs and another stroker working on my shoulders/head/face. It made me cry a little.

You know when you’re a kid and you’re lying in your Mum or Dad’s arms and they are gently rubbing your head to make your stomachache or nightmare go away. You know that feeling? When’s the last time you felt like that?? It brought me so much comfort.

There was one patient who when she first walked into the room I could see how much sadness she had in her body. When the strokers were working on her she started to sob. It was so hard for me not to roll over and wrap her up tight in my arms but I had to remind myself that it wasn’t my job.

My job was to lay there and take care of myself. The strokers were there to help us when we needed it and they were doing an excellent job. It wasn’t easy but I redirected my energy back to me and tried to let go of my need to fix everything… My job right now is to take care of me. Nothing else.

To be able to lay in a comfortable safe place with no distractions for an hour and a half not only work on de-stressing my mind but take away some of the discomfort I’ve been feeling from the radiation was amazing. I walked out of there feeling like a new person.

I am now making both Theraputic Touch and the Relaxation Program a priority. I wish I had done it sooner … but perhaps I wasn’t ready for it just yet.  🙂

The other big change is that by Thursday or Friday of this week my body started to get REALLY hot and uncomfortable from the radiation. I saw a nurse on Thursday so she could check everything and she said it looked sore but that I was doing pretty good considering how far along I am in the process.

It’s so crazy to think that the radiation goes all the way through my front to the back. My shoulder blade is looking pretty burnt. Luckily it’s not uncomfortable.

It’s my front panel that’s getting hit the hardest. Especially in my armpit area. That’s where my tumor was and it is getting the most attention.

My whole front panel from my neck to under my ribs is bright red. The photo doesn’t quite show how red I am… but trust me. It’s red.

My armpit is the worst and I think it’s from the friction of my arms moving against my body.

I’ve been doing everything they tell me to do. I cream/moisturize my body with the cream they suggested. I also have started doing saline soaks. They don’t suggest you do them until you start to get uncomfortable because the saline dries out the area and they want to keep the skin moisturized.

I am not allowed to use any other products on my skin …

I’m seeing the doctor on Monday and I’m going to beg for something for under my arm. It’s becoming VERY tender and painful. Last night I couldn’t sleep because it feels like there is a hot coal in my armpit.

I can’t do anything (like walk) because it rubs against itself and makes it even more sore. It’s almost impossible not to have my body rub against itself. So all day Friday I lay in bed like a corpse hoping that a day of rest would make my armpit feel better.

Nope.

Saturday was a write off too. I was able to do a little bit of laundry but then abandoned that and lay on the sofa for the rest of the day.

I’m hoping the doctor has some magic unicorn potion she can give me for my armpit because I have another 6 radiations to go and the nurse warned me that the burning from the radiation can last another couple of weeks even after I’m done.

You know when you roast nuts and you have to take them out of the oven a little bit before they look done because they keep cooking from the inside out? That’s what’s going on with me.

The good news is that once the radiation is over I can use any healing products I want on the area so I just have to focus on getting through these next 9 days.

Can you believe I only have 6 radiations left? … I never thought I’d get here.

After today I have 10 more radiation sessions to go!

Fergus and I have been doing a lot of beach walking. It’s the best therapy … I always start out thinking I’m only going to do part of the beach because I’m tired but once I get going I do the whole thing and always feel so much better.

The weather has gotten really cold and I’m still having a hard time regulating my temperature. Today we walked the beach and I was so bundled up that I got overheated and started to feel sick/dizzy.

I got the car and ripped off my toque and jacket and drank some water. It took a few minutes but then I started to feel better. Ugh. Stupid internal thermometer.

We’ve had a little snow this week and that puts the whole city into a tizzy. NOBODY here can drive in the snow. I don’t know why people think they need to speedup when in fact they should just slow down. 🙁

It makes my daily drive back and forth to the hospital pretty stressful and unfortunately I think more snow is on it’s way. I’m hoping Mother Nature will back off until after my radiation is done.

Luckily I live about 15 blocks from the hospital so if worse comes to worst I can walk there. I feel bad for the people who have to come from up island for treatment. I can’t imagine navigating the highway in this weather.

I’m so stressed that the snow will make it impossible for me to do my treatment. It must sound so funny to the rest of you (who live in wintery climates) but Victoria has no infrastructure for snow … so the whole city just shuts down. I don’t want to postpone my radiation. I want to get this done!

This week they turned on the Xmas music at the hospital. I don’t celebrate Christmas. Nothing against it. If you want to do it … great. Gerry and I opted out over 15 years ago and have no interest.

I expect Xmas music in the mall … but there is nothing worse then sitting in a waiting room waiting for radiation and having to listen to banal sugary holiday music.

Thankfully Gerry told me about the volume control in the waiting room so as soon as I get to the radiation waiting room I turn it off. Ahhhh. Peace and quiet. 🙂

I am really starting to feel the heat from the radiation. My whole right chest panel is red (like a sunburn) as well as my shoulder blade. The radiation goes RIGHT THROUGH ME! Gak!

Yesterday and today were the first days since I started radiation that I felt like I needed to nap. So I did.

It’s been a tiring week. Gerry’s been sick with a cold so I’ve been taking care of him, taking care of me and taking care of Fergus plus all the house stuff. Usually Gerry and I tag-team everything but this is the first time in a long time that I had to do almost everything myself. Plus poor Gerry was coughing so much. He wakes me up a couple thousand times a night so he’s been sleeping in the guest room till he’s better. Poor dear.  🙁

But he’s on the mend now so that makes me happy. My parents came to visit me on Sunday which was so wonderful and lovely (we went for brunch and wandered around) but I think I pooped myself out a little.

I woke up this morning having a full-on panic attack. It’s so weird to have a sleeping panic attack. Ugh. It’s the worst feeling. I’m re-starting therapy this week and I think I’m having anxiety about working on my anxiety. Ha ha.

And lastly MY EYEBROWS ARE COMING BACK!

Actually lots of hair is coming back. I found a long weird gray hair coming out of my chin. WTF? Did that grow overnight? How did I not see it? *yank*

Yesterday I woke up to find 6 or so weird black hairs growing out of the middle of my cheek. I pulled on one with a tweezer and it came out like it wasn’t attached. So I yanked the rest and none of them were rooted in my skin. What the hell?

Gerry thinks it’s from the chemo. It does so many weird things to you …

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited about my treatment being over … truth is I can’t really think about it. I still have 10x sessions left. That’s 2 weeks of treatment. It doesn’t sound like much but if I start looking too far ahead then the sessions I do tomorrow will feel like torture. You know what I mean? Slow and stead wins the race.

Let’s all say a little “No snow till radiation is over” prayer. Come on Global Warming! You can do it!!

Radiation only takes up a very small portion of my day but it makes every day feel the same. Groundhogs Day …

I try and keep things fun by talking to other patients and making friends with the nurses … but it’s all pretty mundane.

Take my clothes of and wait. Do the radiation and wait. Put my clothes back on and wait. Go see another doctor about something else and wait.

So much waiting.

Gerry and I went and talked to the nurses about that frantic nurse who took my blood. They knew who were were talking about immediately. They gave me the nurses name and next time I have to give blood I need to ask if she’s working. If she is – I have to ask for someone else. Doesn’t seem like the best system but I will do whatever I need to do to make sure she doesn’t draw blood from me again.

The radiation is starting to effect my skin. It’s a little red in the area that they are treating and sometimes it gets hot (from the inside out) but so far it hasn’t been too bad. Putting cream on my skin a few times a day and walking around my house topless seems to help. I’ve also been using fresh Aloe but I hate cutting up the plant. I feel like I’m cutting off my friends finger every time I do it. Sorry Aloe plant.  🙂

I’ve been doing a LOT of beach walking (with my top on). I try and go right after radiation and Fergus and I walk the full length of Willows Beach and back again. It’s good exercise for both of us … and then I come home and have a nap/laydown.

I haven’t been too tired (yet). They say the fatigue hits in the 2nd/3rd week so I’m waiting for it but hoping it doesn’t show up.

I’m just trying to keep things chill … and that means organizing/cleaning. 🙂

I went through all my CD’s and decided to only keep about 50 of the 150 I have. I am taking them to a local record store to see if I can get some $$ for them.

I also bought a player that transfers VHS to DVD and I’ve been going through all my tapes. I have probably 50 tapes to go through. Ha ha ha. I have so much video of my niece from when she was little … I want to transfer it to DVD so everyone in my family can have a copy. It’s been fun looking back … We were all so young. And so skinny.  🙂

Poor Gerry is sick with a head-cold this week so I’m taking care of him as well as taking care of me. I’m hoping I won’t get his cold … I don’t want to delay my radiation. I want to get it over with asap!!

I’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m trying not to get too over excited but at the end of my treatment I am going to Vancouver to see The Go-Go’s play a New Years Show! I’m so stoked. What a fantastic way to end this horrible year. I can’t wait!!

I hope they play my favourite song! (hint hint).

I forgot to tell you about what happened BEFORE I saw the frantic nurse today… I was sitting in the waiting room (waiting) and a very bald chemo patient leaned over and said “Sarah?”

She was one of the woman I had taken the Look Good Feel Better class I had taken at the beginning of my chemo. I can’t even remember if I blogged about it …

I don’t think I did because I found the whole thing so “cheerleader” and I just couldn’t get into it but I don’t want to bad-mouth it. It just wasn’t for me. I was never a pep-rally kind of girl. I was always in the back row of the auditorium with my friends putting on black lipstick and looking for a way to sneak out and play hookey.

ANYWAY. This woman and her daughter were at the class with me and she said the most amazing thing …

“Sarah. It was so great having you in the class because my daughter had been so upset about what I was going to look like when I lost my hair so that’s why I brought her to the class. 

When you walked into the room my daughter said to me “That lady looks like a rock star…” and then when you took your hat off and had no hair – my daughter thought it was the coolest thing.

We went home that night and she helped me shave my head and she even helps me draw on my eyebrows sometimes.”

Isn’t that amazing? *tears* I gave her a big hug and wished her lots of luck with the rest of her chemo. Man alive. Today was such a roller coaster.  🙂

Today was so F’d up.

I went to the Cancer Clinic to have my port flushed (it has to be flushed with saline every 3 weeks to keep everything clean and healthy). I got there at 10:55 for my 11am appointment and by 11:25 they still hadn’t got to me. I went and asked the girls (my two fav receptionists) if I should call down and let radiation know I would be late or just go do radiation and come back for my flush.

Go do your radiation.

So I went downstairs and signed in, took off my clothes and waited. Normally you only have to wait 5-10 minutes. They run the radiation ward like a McDonalds but today I had to wait almost 25 minutes before I got radiated.

Ok. Fine. Did my radiation. Got dressed again. Go back upstairs. Let them know I’m here to get flushed. Sit and wait. Again … and about 15 minutes later the nurse I don’t like comes walking frantically down the hall.

It’s not that I don’t like her – I’m sure she’s a lovely person but I’ve had a LOT of different nurses over the last 6 months and she sticks out as the worst because she’s so frantic and it comes off as incompetent. Getting chemo or radiation is stressful enough but then having a nurse work on your body while they’re energy is frantic just makes everything icky.

When I saw her I almost got up and asked the front desk if I could have a different nurse but I was so DONE with being in the clinic.

What normally is a 30 minute appointment was turning into a 2 hour drag and Fergus was waiting for me in the car so I just sucked it up and went into the clinic with her to have my port flushed.

Here’s why I don’t like her: There is a certain protocol you have to do with my port. A certain way of cleaning. It’s VERY important that it’s done this way otherwise I can get a blood infection. I’ve had this done enough times by enough different nurses to know that EVERY single nurse does it differently but the protocol is basically the same.

Not this lady. She cleans me all weird and is flying around in a tizzy like an annoying wasp buzzing your face.

#1. She’s frantic because of this that and the other thing. HEY LADY! I don’t care that you were having trouble with a patient before me. I don’t need to hear your bitching. Please FOCUS on me because you’re about to stick me with a needle. FOCUS.

#2. She doesn’t clean me the way everyone else does and when I tried to say something to her about how she didn’t seem to be following protocol she stuck me with the needle and just did the flush and then said “Oh what? What were you saying?” She wasn’t listening to a word I said.

I left the clinic feeling sick. I took Fergus to the beach and tried to walk off the feeling. I felt like I did after my first radiation. Sick, dizzy, disoriented and like I was going to die. Then I remembered … Oh yeah. This is PTSD. I was just back in the chemo ward and even though I didn’t notice all the sounds, smells and triggers … they were all there. Of course I was feeling this way.

So on the walk back to the car I promised myself that I will find out the name of that nurse so I can make sure she never touches me again.

And the next time I have to go back to the chemo ward I will go with the intention of being more aware of the triggers and not become so overwhelmed that I don’t take care of myself and ask for what I need to be comfortable.

I came home and got under the covers and stayed there until 4pm when my friend Kimmee came over for a visit and got me out of my head.

I’ve had panic attacks before … I know what they feel like and I know what to do when I have them but this intense feeling of dying/sick is so weirdly different.

I’m calling my therapist right now.

I’ve been doing radiation for a week. So far so good.

I got a little tour of the radiation clinic before we started. They set me up with a paper bag that had a gown/robe and I wrote my name on the bag. This way they don’t have to wash my stuff every day and it saves on water/enviro etc etc. 🙂

One of the nurses went through what my radiation will be like. What I can and can’t use on my skin. Can’t use anything that contains oil (or I’ll burn) and I have to be VERY careful to keep my skin hydrated and irritation free.

She told me the two major symptoms I’ll feel are skin irritation/possible burning (eeek) and fatigue. Great … more fatigue. 🙁

I’ve done my first 7 of 28 daily radiations. The hardest part right now is that it’s like Ground Hog Day. Every day feels the same… it’s weird.

The physical aspect of having my arms above my head for 10+ minutes while the machine does it’s thing is also taxing. My shoulders are SO sore. I think part of it is unused muscles.

When’s the last time you had your arms above your head for more then a few seconds? 🙂

While I have good range of motion after my mastectomy – my chest wall is still a little tight – so having to lay in a weird position is making things uncomfortable.

And all the things I normally do when I have tight shoulders (hot bath, hot shower, hot tub, heating pad, muscle ointment, massage) are all off the table for now because I have to treat my radiation skin very gently.

My first radiation took a little longer than normal because they had to line up my radiation tattoos with the machine. When it started whirling around me I felt motion sick – so I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Thankfully it was over before I knew it.

On the way home I started to feel REALLY sick. Nausea. Dizzy. Like I was going to pass out. Gerry got me home as quick as he could and I crawled into bed and felt like I was going to die. WHY??  🙁 The nurse didn’t mention anything like this?

Gerry suggested it was PTSD. My body is so used to going to the Cancer Center – getting chemo – and then coming home and feeling horrible. I told the nurse the next day how ill I was after radiation and she said “not from what we’re doing to you…” When I told her what Gerry suggested, she agreed that it could be PTSD.

Sometimes just talking about my chemotherapy experience makes me gag. I walked by the chemo clinic the other day and the sound of the chemo machines made my stomach lurch.

During my 2nd radiation it dawned on me that I had been so focused on getting through the physical/mental hurdle of chemo – that I hadn’t even thought about what I would do for myself to get through radiation.

So my second radiation I went in with the intention of having no side-effects.

As the machine did it’s thing I hummed the song “This little light of mine…” and I closed my eyes and thought about ET’s body when he comes back to life and he’s chest wall is glowing with love. 🙂

It sounds silly … but all this week it’s got me through the monotony and shoulder pain and makes me smile every time I lay down and start humming.

Best of all … I haven’t felt sick. Gerry was right. It was PTSD. My body was freaking out that I was back in that building again. Poor thing.  🙁

I have been going to the Therapeutic Touch Clinics the Cancer Center offers twice a month. It makes me feel SO much better and my shoulders/spirit/body feel so good after I go. Unfortunately it’s only offered twice a month. I wrote to the Cancer Agency to encourage them to offer it once a week. I can’t even explain how wonderful it is …

I’ve been doing a lot of puttering around the house. Still cleaning… organizing. Emptying drawers. I have three GIANT garbage bags to take to the thrift store.

Had a little mini garage sale on Instagram and unloaded a bunch of stuff.

I also FINALLY fixed something that’s been bugging me for the whole 7 years we’ve lived here. My cutting boards always fall over in the cupboard… so I nailed down a paint stir-stick and now they stay in place. I can’t tell you how much pleasure this simple fix gives me. 🙂

22 more radiations to go …

I’ve been using guided meditations for many years as a way to deal with stress, pain and as a way to take a few moments to center myself. I thought I’d share my fav ones.
They’re all actually by the same woman – Stin Hansen – and are available for free on Itunes. These are my top 3.

Zzzzzz: is what I use when I can’t sleep or if I’m trying to take a nap.

Body Change: is for when I am carrying too much stress in my body.

Meditatation for Headaches and other pain: is amazing. Anytime I have a tension headache or a migraine sneaking up I do this meditation. It’s only 13 minutes long and it works wonders for me. I can’t seem to find this on itunes anymore but I found it (and all of her other meditations) on GrooveShark.

I have these on my iphone and use them often. Just never driving. NEVER! 🙂
Only do them when you have the time and space to meditate.

Do you guys have any guided meditations you’d like to share?

I know I’m feeling more like myself because I’ve been cleaning my house like a crazy person. Ha ha.

If you’re a reader of my blog you know I love to clean/organize but I was also really inspired by my friend Michael’s blog. He’s doing a big clean-out of his apartment and it motivated me to spend some of this down time getting busy.  🙂

I spent 2 days cleaning/organizing my main closet. It houses my linen, assorted sundries, tools, etc. I threw out/recycled everything that was outdated and got rid of anything I haven’t used in a while.

One box has paint supplies. One box has tools. One box has all my travel accessories. I organize all the nuts and bolts (literally). It feels great to have everything in it’s proper place.

One of the shelves is just for my jewelry. Everyone has a jewelry closet right? 🙂

The other thing I’ve been doing is taking care of Fergus. He had some dental work done and since they were putting him under for the dental we decided to remove a few benign “old man lumps” that keep getting nicked at the dog groomer.

We take Fergus to Kindred Spirits Vet and they are fantastic. If you are looking for a vet in the #YYJ – please take your furbaby to them. Allyson is our vet and we LOVE her. She’s kind, caring, thorough and doesn’t jump to drugs first to fix everything. The staff there is excellent as well. Love them!!!

They let me stay with Fergus while they gave him some “relaxing” drugs. Gerry and I sat with him for about 30 minutes while he got sleepy. He was cuddly in my arms for a while and then he got too heavy so I moved him to the exam table and snuggled him until he fell asleep.

The dental tech told me that dogs do much better under anesthetic when they are able to fall asleep while they are calm. She was also excited to be able to hold Fergus while he was so dozy. She never gets to cuddle him when we come in for visits. Probably has something to do with her being the one who also does his anal glands. 🙂

I thought I was going to be a sobbing mess leaving my sleepy baby to have surgery but being able to be with him while he fell asleep was nice. It made me feel so much better knowing he was calm and not stressed.

He did great. He didn’t have to have any extractions and his teeth are BEAUTIFUL now and his breath is so much better. The clinic sent me a photo of Fergus after his surgery.

He was so stoned when I brought him home but it didn’t take him long to bounce back. He ate dinner that night with no hesitation and we had 4-5 mellow exercise days (don’t want to mess up the stitches). He’s doing great.

The only sad thing is that he has to wear a cone when we go to bed so he doesn’t chew out his stitches but he’s such a good boy… he doesn’t make a fuss when I put the cone on. He moans a little (ha ha) but he doesn’t fight it.

I also know I’m feeling more like myself because I caught myself fake-tap dancing in the hallway. I stopped cold and started laughing … I’m such a goof! 🙂

I also know I’m feeling a little more like myself because I’ve been hanging out a little at Tattoo Zoo and visiting Gerry.

But you know what happens when you hang out at a tattoo shop…

Whoops! I couldn’t help myself. I needed a little Purple Yoda magical power to get me through this upcoming radiation. 🙂

Radiation starts tomorrow. I’m nervous … I hope the next 5 weeks go by quickly. I can’t imagine how much of a slog going to the cancer center EVERY SINGLE DAY for radiation is going to be… Ugh.

But I’m ready. Like my friend Bif says “Remember: RAD is the First Word in Radiation!” Let’s do this!