I’ve had some low points this week …
At one point I was laying exhausted on the dining room floor watching Gerry make me dinner and trying to hide the fact that I was crying because I was so overwhelmed with love and sorrow.
It’s so amazing to me that after 17+ years of marriage he still makes my heart flutter when he walks in the room. Watching him make me dinner made my heart melt with love and then it was flooded with sorrow because I couldn’t get up off the floor and help.
Gerry looked at me and sweetly said “You have to stop crying so I can make dinner. All I want to do is hug you.”
I sobbed “I don’t know if I can do this. I feel like I’m at the bottom of a mountain looking up and I’m so overwhelmed.”
Then like magic I got a text from my best-bestie. She said “Don’t look up. Don’t look down. Just straight ahead. Just be in this thing right now … You are so loved. Let it fuel you.”
It was exactly what I needed to get off the floor and try and get some food into me. What do I need right now? RIGHT NOW? I need food. Fuel. Feed me.
I was able to get a green smoothie with some protein powered in me. It wasn’t easy … the protein powder was too sweet and the smell almost made me barf but I choked it down and my body was so happy. My body responded by feeling better and then I was able to give it more.
Last night we ate vegan hot-dogs and had a small green salad. I was SO HAPPY to get food into me that I lifted my arms in the air and “raised the roof”. It might not have be the “best” or the “cleanest” food … but it was something for my stomach to chew on and my body was happy for the sustenance.
This morning I woke up and I feel 97% normal again. I actually might get dressed today. Whoo doggy. I think I’ve taken a turn for the better.