Patient Patient ….

I’m not a patient patient…  🙂

When I had my drain removed – I was so happy to be free, flat and feeling super flatastic that I really over did it the first week. I’m just so ready to PARTY but my body isn’t ready yet.

I taught my ENCORE class 10 days after my surgery!!!! I was actually feeling really good that day and thought if I went slow it would be fine but the next day I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I over did it. Whoops.

So I’ve been doing a lot of laying around. Trying to be mellow. Trying to remember that I’m only 3 weeks post surgery and of course I’m going to feel fatigue. Of course my skin is going to be sensitive. Just chill.

One of the hardest things to deal with is my skin. It’s so super sensitive and it doesn’t matter what I wear. It starts to feel irritated after a few hours. So I’ve been sitting around my house topless a lot. ha ha. It’s not painful but it’s so irritating that it makes me cranky and exhausted.

12501495_499305260271022_1091503141_nSo I’ve been meditating to help center me. Meditation is something I’ve dabbled in for a while but have really fallen in love with this last year. My other form of meditating is watching dumb movies. 🙂

I can’t go in the pool yet and the only exercise I’m allowed to do right now is walk and my post-surgery exercises. Those are probably why I’m so fatigued.

The exercises are tough but are helping me get my range of motion back and because I’ve done this before – I get a do-over. 🙂 I wasn’t dedicated to exercising last time and I lost a lot of range of motion in my right shoulder and had to go for physical therapy.

So I’m being religious about my exercises but every time I do them I’m gently pulling and stretching the surgical area. If you think about how much skin they remove (during the mastectomy) it causes minor irritation to the area and I have to heal from that every time I do my exercises.

If anyone has done physical therapy before … then you know how exhausting it is. My body is working extra hard right now so fatigue and a little bit of post surgery depression has kicked in. The depression is just about not being able to go out and have fun but I just have to remind myself that it’s only temporary … and to be PATIENT!!

12555947_801932306600917_1531099182_nIn other news I was officially discharged from care from the Cancer Agency. My oncologist told me I was too healthy to come to her clinic anymore.  🙂

It’s such a weird feeling. I felt happy-ish but mostly just … weirdly … sad. Or not sad. I felt almost nothing. I can’t explain the feeling.

It’s been a crazy 3 year roller coaster of heartache and epic change… and here I am on the other side of it alive but shaken. I think I don’t want to celebrate being discharged because once you’ve had cancer – you’re never really discharged. It’s always looming like a monster under the bed.

I still can’t really process everything that’s happened to me. Not sure how. I’m not even sure what’s next for me … time to start daydreaming.  🙂

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