Dear Ang Lee
I went to see your Brokeback Mountain the other night.
First off… I forgot my kleenex so I had to use my sleeve to wipe my nose I was crying so much. Thanks a lot.
Second. The movie was wonderful, powerful and heartbreaking… but I wanted more kissing. More. Lots more. I’m not afraid of watching two men kiss… In fact it’s kinda hot. I would have enjoyed more of that.
Third. Next time you direct a movie and one of your actors has poor diction … take him aside and say “Heath buddy. I know you’re from Australia and you’re trying to do an American accent of a “cowboy type guy” who doesn’t talk much, but you can still mumble effectively while enunciating your words so that everyone can understand what you’re saying. Ok? Thanks. ROLL ‘EM!”
Dear Heath Ledger
Wow. Just saw Brokeback Mountain and you were really great. Nice subtle quiet performance. Really… really good work. But here’s a little tip… go get yourself a diction coach. Every movie I’ve seen you in, but ESPECIALLY this one… I couldn’t understand a frickin word you said.
I was really into the story of Brokeback Mountain, but honestly… after a while I got so frustrated with trying to figure out what you were saying I decided to watch the movie as a pantomime and just enjoy your performance like it was a silent movie. I really think the movie could have been much more moving if I could have understand what you were saying.
So good job. Get a speech coach. Congrats on the new baby.
Dear Jake Gyllenhaal
Hi baby. I loves you. Good work… take off your shirt. Ahhhhhhh.
Tell your friend Heath he needs a speech coach.