Dear Ang Lee
I went to see your Brokeback Mountain the other night.
First off… I forgot my kleenex so I had to use my sleeve to wipe my nose I was crying so much. Thanks a lot.
Second. The movie was wonderful, powerful and heartbreaking… but I wanted more kissing. More. Lots more. I’m not afraid of watching two men kiss… In fact it’s kinda hot. I would have enjoyed more of that.
Third. Next time you direct a movie and one of your actors has poor diction … take him aside and say “Heath buddy. I know you’re from Australia and you’re trying to do an American accent of a â€œcowboy type guyâ€ who doesn’t talk much, but you can still mumble effectively while enunciating your words so that everyone can understand what youâ€™re saying. Ok? Thanks. ROLL ‘EM!”
Dear Heath Ledger
Wow. Just saw Brokeback Mountain and you were really great. Nice subtle quiet performance. Reallyâ€¦ really good work. But hereâ€™s a little tipâ€¦ go get yourself a diction coach. Every movie Iâ€™ve seen you in, but ESPECIALLY this oneâ€¦ I couldnâ€™t understand a frickin word you said.
I was really into the story of Brokeback Mountain, but honestlyâ€¦ after a while I got so frustrated with trying to figure out what you were saying I decided to watch the movie as a pantomime and just enjoy your performance like it was a silent movie. I really think the movie could have been much more moving if I could have understand what you were saying.
So good job. Get a speech coach. Congrats on the new baby.
Dear Jake Gyllenhaal
Hi baby. I loves you. Good workâ€¦ take off your shirt. Ahhhhhhh.
Tell your friend Heath he needs a speech coach.