Did I tell you about the poo?

So I slept through most of my flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I was woken up by a woman saying “What took so long? Did you fall in?” to someone coming out of the bathroom… ha ha ha. Bad joke. I shuffled by my seat mate (who refused to get up for me … so I had to slide my bum across his chest to get by – thanks buddy) and stood in line to pee.

Got into the washroom and did my best to pee without touching anything. As I’m squatting over the toilet … I look across at the door and I notice something smudged on the door. Is it? Could it be? OH MY GOD! Someone smeared poo on the door. ON THE DOOR!

I felt like I was in a horror movie – you know – when everything turns into slow motion and the person in the movie realizes that they’re in a room covered with blood… only this time it’s poo. There was poo on the wall. Poo on the mirror. POO IN THE SINK! Who does that? Who poos in the sink?

I immediately got up and got out of the bathroom as quickly and cleanly as possible and told the flight attendant. She looked mortified (and rightfully so) and went into the bathroom with rubber gloves and cleaner. Poor dear…I got back to my seat and immediately wiped my entire body down with a mini-bottle of hand sanitizer that I always carry with me when I travel.

DEAR PASSENGERS!
Here’s a tip. Don’t poo in the sink. Don’t spread your poo around. If you’re having problems in the bathroom… ask for help.

Next time I fly I’m going to wear adult diapers and wrap myself in bubble wrap… Do you think homeland security will have a problem with that?

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