Blah blah blah

That’s how I feel right now. Blah. All I do is lay like a lump on the couch and feel like shit. Chemo is killing my enthusiasm …

2nd chemo went better. The new anti nausea meds they gave me helped … my nausea was a 3 instead of an 11. So that made the first 2 days easier. Then the third day a write off. I felt like I had the worst flu. No temperature or much nausea but I could barely move. I felt like I was dying … I spent almost the entire day sleeping and I’ve felt exhausted ever since.

c5ad3078e2a911e2b82e22000a9e0697_7I can feel chemo chipping away at my health. My nails are turning weird. I woke up the other morning to find a mouth full of Thrush. I feel unsteady in my body and had to come to the heartbreaking decision to cancel my trip to Seattle to see the Go-Go’s.

I was really excited to see Jane and the rest of the ladies. They’ve been so amazingly supportive of me during this cancer and I wanted to give them all a big thank-u hug. *sob* but I can feel that my body is not recouping as quickly as I had hoped and I am completely depleted of energy. Better to stay home in case something else crops up.

By the way. Thrush? Is the worst. I won’t go into details but my tongue looks like yogurt. It’s disgusting. I hope you never get it.

This fatigue is bullshit. It takes EVERYTHING I have just to have a shower and get dressed. It’s like having Chronic Fatigue all over again. I never ever thought I’d be back here again struggling to have energy. It’s really depressing.

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A friend of mine asked me what I did all day to occupy myself. She said “I know you must be going stir-crazy because you like to be out and about.” My answer? Not really.

I am a TV set full of static.

My days are a blur of malaise. I don’t have the brain power to read or clean or even carry on an intelligent conversation. One day bleeds into the next and because I have to nap a couple of times a day … I barely know what day it is. It’s all one long blur of feeling shitty …

The other day my Auntie Jean send me a nice email wishing me a happy birthday and I was like “Huh? What? OH YEAH! It’s my birthday.” I can’t believe I forgot …

Life is weird right now and I’m not really enjoying myself so to get myself out of the dumps I try to focus on the positive. I mean … that’s the only way I’m going to get through this. Right? Try and focus on little things that pop up during the day and give me pleasure.

Like how about when I took the dog for a walk around the block and saw an urban deer staring at me from my neighbours front lawn.

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Or that Fergus is always watching me and making sure I’m ok… 🙂

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Or how beautiful that summer breeze blowing through my windows is…

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d250c794e42b11e28a1922000a1fb0ef_7Or the fact that I’m going to see KISS on Friday!!

I was so upset about having to cancel my trip to Seattle to see the Go-Go’s that I bought tickets to see KISS.

The concert is a few blocks from my house so I feel like I can safely go see the show and if I feel tired/sick/overwhelmed I can easily get home without too much fuss.

I have been a KISS fan since the 70’s and I distinctly remember my Mum promising me she would take me to their concert when they played in Regina in 1977. I don’t remember the reason why we didn’t go. Maybe because I was only 9 years old at the time (ha ha) but it’s haunted me my whole life. So now’s my chance to fulfill that childhood dream.  🙂

And in the immortal words of KISS: If you don’t feel good, there’s a way you could. Don’t sit there broken hearted. Call all your friends in the neighborhood and get the party started. Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud!!

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19 Responses to Blah blah blah

  1. Pingback: Be gentle with yourself… | GoVegan.net

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