Wow. It’s been almost a YEAR since I updated my blog. Yikes. I guess using social media has cut down on my blogging time down to zero. What a shame … ANYWAY … Here I am now and I have some news to share. Don’t worry. It’s good news.
I guess I’ll just start by saying that my husband is now my wife.Â 🙂
Geri has been struggling for many years with gender dysphoria and with the help of her therapist and myself has recently come out as trans. She goes by the name Geri and her pronouns are she/her.
This may come as a surprise to some of you but it wasn’t to me. This is something that has come up often in our 25 year relationship. We thought it was more of a kink but we now know it was much more than that.
The first question people have been asking me is if I’m ok and my answer is ABSOLUTELY. 🙂 Both Geri and I identify as pansexual (otherwise known as bi-sexual) and so our marriage hasn’t really changed. I’m in love with her. She’s in love with me. To quote David from Schitt’s Creek … “I like the wine not the label.”
So why a blog post?
We wanted to come out publicly for a few reasons. Our number one reason is visibility is important. With more visibility comes more understanding.
Trans people represent a small percentage of the population and therefore it can feel very isolating to be trans. So Geri and I are waving her Trans flag to say HI!!! We are over here!! We see you!!Â
Our number two reason is we wanted to share our “coming out” letter in case anyone reading wanted to use it for themselves.
Geri had a difficult time trying to decide how to come out. It’s a very personal decision and everyone comes out differently. Now that Geri has removed the “man suit” that she’s been wearing as protection these last 48 years – she is understandably feeling much more vulnerable.
Coming out as trans person in your late 40’s isn’t easy. Both Geri and I were raised in an era (the 80’s) of extreme homophobia and transphobia. Fear of people shunning us. Fear of how people will react. When we were in our teenage formative years being anything but Cis and straight made you a pariah. So our default mode is fear.
Our biggest fear about coming out was what it would be like to watch someone we care about processing the information in real time – because if their reaction was negative – it would be heartbreaking. So after much discussion, Geri decided to write an e-mail and send it to our loved ones.
We looked online about the best way to craft a letter and didn’t find many coming out letters that we liked – so in Kramer DIY fashion we wrote our own letter (see below).
We wanted to give our friends/family time to read the letter. Process it in their own time … and come talk to us when they were ready. We also included some GLAAD links so that we wouldn’t have to answer the same questions over and over again. 🙂
Most importantly so they could read about how to be a good ally.
I’m happy to say that almost everyone on our list (that we sent the e-mail) got back to us right away with love and support. Only a few people haven’t responded and that’s ok … We send them off with love. Byeeeeee!
One of the things that surprised me the most was that almost everyone I’ve told (who is under the age of 30) was so blasÃ© about it. I heard a lot of “ok cool – what pronoun do they me to use?”
It made me realize that so many of these young people didn’t grow up like we did with shame and fear. It brought tears to my eyes to realize that gender and sexuality isn’t a big deal to so many of them and it filled my heart with hope for the world.
So that’s our big news. 🙂 We hope you will take this news with grace and joy for Geri.
If you feel like you want to say something negative – please don’t. There is enough negativity in the world. We don’t need more. 😉
Below is the “coming out” letter we sent to our close friends and family. We offer it to any of you who wants to customize it and use it for their own. We hope you find it helpful.
Thanks in advance for your support.
I’m happy. Hope you’re happy too. 🙂
This is a big news letter from The Kramers. Have a seat. First off – Sarah and I are fine. :)Â
This is difficult for me to write but I wanted to share something thatâ€™s going on in my life, because I love and trust you, and I know you love me.Â
I am writing to let you know that I am a transgender person. Iâ€™ve known for a very long time and Iâ€™ve struggled for many years with my gender. With the help of Sarah and my therapist – I have come to terms with my place on the gender spectrum.Â
I am now transitioning.Â
I know this may seem shocking and that this may feel like it is coming from out of nowhere but I want you to know that I am ok. In fact I have never been better. :)Â
This is my coming out letter.Â
In the very near future I will be coming out to the world and living my life as female. I am still the same person that you have always known and loved. Iâ€™ll just be living more authentically as the true me.Â
As of right now I will be going by the name Geri and my pronouns will be changing to she/her.Â
I know you may have slip-ups with my gender at first, and that is ok. If you do slip up – you do not have to make a big deal out of it. Just correcting yourself is enough for me to see that you care about and respect who I am.Â
My transition is not going to happen over night and some aspects may seem fast and some may seem slow. I ask for your patience and support during this time.Â
I have included a few important links below for you to read. I would appreciate if you read these before you asked us questions.Â
TIPS FOR ALLIES OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE
If you feel like not responding right away, thatâ€™s ok. Take as much time as you need. I understand that this is a lot to process.
Sarah and I love you very much and we are happy to answer questions or talk about my transition. But please know that some questions may be too personal – so we will let you know when a question is over the line.Â
Lots of love,
Geri & Sarah (and Walter)
â€œLove is honouring the journey of another…â€Â
First off, I’m super glad that you guys are doing well! That was my first worry when I saw this! I know it’s funny/weird being invested in the relationship of people I’ve never met IRL, but to some extent I’ve grown up with your cookbooks and you always spoke so lovingly in there about your partner and marriage. It was so wonderful and comforting that you guys forged such a strong bond.
Secondly, I think it’s wonderful that both you and Geri used this opportunity to help others who are going through something similar.
Sending both you and Geri tons of love and support in your journey. Keep on being awesome!
I am happy for you both. We are presently watching our daughter come into her own as she transitions. It is exciting for her and us.
Very cool! Congratulations to you both. What an exciting/freeing/overwhelming time. Is it weird than in response to reading this letter my first though was â€˜I should book another tattoo appointment…â€™. Hoping thatâ€™s an adequate way to show my support. 🙂
Ha!! No. Come get some ink. 🙂
You beautiful human beings bring such love and positive energy into the world. I’m thrilled for you both to be living your truths and being in love and saying byeeee to anyone who gets in your way! <3
Thank you!!! 🙂
Sarah, you have been an inspiration in the Vegan world for me and How it All Vegan was my very first cookbook. I am sending my love to you and Geri (and Walter). All the Love from Chad, John and Seamus the Peke and Leila the Black Kitten!
THANK YOU!! 🙂
Sarah, I was just thinking about you yesterday as I searched your cook books for a recipe and wondered how you were doing. Well, pretty darn fantastic Iâ€™d say. Nothing is more exciting and freeing than living your true authentic self. What wonderful news. I am so happy for you and Geri! I am sending you both all of my love, support, and hugs from Seattle.
Thank you so much. 🙂
We have a niece that is transitioning and her journey has been really beautiful. You seem to be surrounded by love which is amazing. We are extremely excited and happy for the two of you. Xoxo
Thank you so much. 🙂
Love love love this! Thank you both for living your truth and being such an inspiration. How it all Vegan was my first vegan cookbook way back when. Love both of you even though Iâ€™ve never met you!
Thank you so much. 🙂
Your cookbook ,literally, flew out of my cupboard yesterday when my daughter came in to share the beautiful news about Geri!
Sending you ,Geri and Walter a whole lot of LOVE !
Awwwww. Wonderful. 🙂
Well, I’m a little late to the party, but I wanted to add my overwhelming congratulations to you and to Geri! Sending so much love and support!