MY FINAL POST
(I’m posting this mostly unedited, because I know that it was really important to her to communicate everything to you. She was working on this for the past couple weeks, even though she struggled either typing and maintaining focus during the last little while. She loves you all, that I know for sure – Geri)
My friends, I had my recipe wrong – for a long time!!!!My whole life has been over-seasoned with a core belief that I wasn’t good enough. Not smart, too loud, too quiet, not pretty, yucky freckles, frizzy curly hair, I was too short, my body wasn’t the right shape, I was too weird, or overly confident and it came off as intimidating. bullheaded and bossy and yet also passive and vulnerable to the point where many people took advantage.I felt that I was expected to be the one in charge , to do the emotional lifting for everyone, and make sure everyone’s plate was full before mine, and keep it all together for everyone else no matter the personal cost to me.The truth is, I neglected to taste all of those ingredients together to make sure that my recipe was actually good.Going to therapy, coupled with a recent understanding I was AuDHD made me really lean into my neurodivergence to discover my needs (plus taking adhd meds helped immensely and made a remarkable difference).I also learned in therapy that I was in panic mode for most of my life and that many of my decisions were based in fear. I worked so hard in therapy for years to understand myself, my past, my grief, my desires and how to ask for what I want. I came to realize that a good majority of the pain I suffered in my past was connected to being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.BTW If you ever want to do something in my honour, go to therapy and dig in and do the hard work!The one one ingredient that was perfect was when I met Geri. It was the first time I felt fully seen by someone.She liked everything about me. Found all my quirks, insecurities , traumas, fears, and dreams intriguing. She was so into my every idea, and nurtured and encouraged all my creative curiosity. She loves me for exactly who I am and that gave me the confidence to find myself, nourish my personal needs and flourish.She also gave me a safe place to express my queerness. I had been so bombarded with other people’s opinions about my expression my whole life that I just shut down much of my self in order to keep safe from scrutiny. She gave me the loving space to explore and be proud that I am trans non-binary, pansexual and helped me realize that I have been exploring and leaning into gender-fuckery my whole life.But most importantly, through her own personal journey she showed me that it doesn’t matter what age you are, that you can always make radical positive shifts in your life.To quote Hillel the Elder: “If not now, when?”I don’t remember the exact moment I decided to be brave and give her my vulnerable heart but I do know that when I did my entire life shifted from black and white to full colour.We have been a together side by side for over 30 + years. Not just in business or creative projects but in the way we built our life to suit our needs. We make all our decisions together as a team, to ensure that we are we are on the always on the same page and the little things don’t get in the way of us enjoying our time together.We have had so many chapters in our years together and each one has been better than the last.Recently we started working on an exciting new chapter which was to move back to our beloved downtown-core in Victoria and reconnect with our friends/community.Invigorated by this new upcoming chapter, we had started working on a second season of our podcast Meet the Kramers, I was casually working on recipes for a new cookbook and we had just started preparing to sell the house in a few months and were already looking at condos in the city.All I wanted for us was a balcony with a view of the sunset and the city at night, I got this damn brain tumor instead.I wanted you all to know that your incredible donations and generosity during this time have taken so much pressure off my heart because I know that Geri will have now have the time and space to be able to grieve without the immense pressure of having to go back to work immediately in order to keep our beloved business up running. Your support has made me feel loved and cared for in a way that I didn’t expect.My sweet Geri is taking a leave of absence but will be back to tattooing when she is ready, but I want to make clear that our shop is OPEN and running every day. We have a fantastic roster of talented tattooers available to tattoo you, so please help our artists thrive by booking a tattoo with them. (TattooZoo.net)Tattoo Zoo is our pride and joy and has been a true labour of love.We are proudly BC’s oldest trans/queer-owned shop and for over 20 years and have been serving our community with kick ass tattoos, and coverups of tattoos that don’t serve clients anymore, which allows them to reclaim autonomy of thier body.We have worked so hard to ensure the shop is a protective space where clients can be confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm but for me – the most important thing we have done is mentor young artists to pursue their passion so that they can be skilled, confident and successful in all aspects of the business. Our goal with mentoring is to make positive lasting change to an industry that can be incredibly toxic and predatory.Our shop has been a true labour of love and our greatest project and has been informed by how I grew up.I have had such an interesting, fabulous life. I grew up on the floorboards of parents theater company The Globe Theater in Regina that is still going strong 60 years later. My dad instilled in me that creativity was paramount and cherished above all else creativity was the only way.My parents were creative, sharing radical ideas through theater to illicit conversation and political change. Creativity cherished and nurtured and above all else that the arts change lives!!
My mum died suddenly and the whiplash of. That never left me. It’s so strange to be repeating but I’ve also been waiting for this moment my whole life.I’m so grateful to live in Canada because my diagnosis is terminal, and I had chosen to use MAiD. We are not going to announce to everyone when I decide to move forward, as I am uncomfortable with the idea of giving you a countdown, and we all understand that this will happen sooner than later.
(She didn’t end up needing MAiD, her cancer progressed so rapidly at the end. But she never stopped talking about how ready she was, and how empowered the decision to use MAiDmade her feel. It truly is such a blessing to have a service like that in practice – Geri)When the day comes, Geri and I have decided to just be together in our love bubble, like it’s been for the last 30 years.She will send out a transmission to let everybody know.By living my life saying “yes and”
I have had all kinds of adventure, and met so many different kinds of people, eaten so mcg good food and made new friends with like minded people everywhere I went . I don’t think there’s much I wish I’ve done but didn’t get a chance to do and that feels good. My hope is that I’m a wake up alarm for you to start doing the things they want do but always put off for later.Lastly,As there there are currently no plans for a memorial or end of life service as it’s not really my vibe, I believe that grief is a very personal, private processes so it’s up to you to find a way that works for you to move through your grief BUT I have made a playlist that I hope will be a contemplative tonic for you.It should be played from start to finish (not on random or mixed with other music) and I love the idea of you integrating this playlist into your life somehow, while you make dinner for family, or hang on the porch with friends over a drink. Have it playing in the background during a potluck, or listen on a rainy day when you’re organizing your closet.My last wish for all of you is that you find all the ingredients to make your life the most joyful delicious recipe for yourself, but please don’t forget to taste your dish every once in a while to make sure the ingredients work together and that everything is to your liking.The best part of a recipe gone bad is you can always just toss it in the bin and start an again from scratch.I want to tell you one of my favourite ingredients which is when I travel I go to the local art gallery and poke around and soak in all art. Then I head to the gift shop and buy myself a cool pair of earrings made by local artist. It’s a delicious way to spend the day. If you don’t wear jewelry maybe someone you know does and you can bring them home a little prezzie.Make me proud by eating fresh fruit and veg every day and whenever you hear a Prince song, that’s me saying hi and reminding you to drink some water.
xoxoSARAHTop 5 fav moviesWizard of Oz
Rocky horror
Corrina, Corrina
Hedwig and The Angry Inch
Purple Rain
Top 5 fav books I read over and overKitchen by Banana Yoshimoto
Microserfs by D. Coupland
Life after God by D. Coupland
♥️❤️♥️
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Thank you, Sarah, for everything you brought into this world—with kindness, passion, and joy. Your words changed how I lived, cooked, and loved. I had the honor of speaking with you a few times, and I’ll always treasure those moments. I’m so glad I could send a small comfort your way near the end. You will always be a bright light in the hearts of so many. All my love to your wife and everyone who loved you.
What a beautiful message from/to beyond! Thank for sharing your your life and love with each other and allowing us a small peek at how incredible it can be! Sending love eternal to Sarah and Geri. ❤️❤️
Life goes so fast , it’s just not fair when it’s cut even shorter. I will always remember you Sarah as this exuberant people full of life and rich in color .
I’m so sorry for your loss. Just so you know, the spotify link goes to Tom Waits. (Nighthawks is a great album, but it doesn’t appear to be their playlist.)
This album is what they wanted to appear here. They were giddy with the idea that they were saying ‘playlist’ and then linking only to this one weird album that they love so much.
I didn’t want to change that for her, and it seems so many folks are finding her other playlists independently.
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Oh that’s amazing, thank you for sharing. Sending care
Later, tater! Catch you after the show.
Xoxox
I will miss you so much and I wish I had known what to say while you were still here to respond. Some people deserve to live forever, and yet none of us actually will. It fills me with hope to know there is love in this world like the love you and Geri have shared and she will continue to honour the rest of her life. Miss you, love you, thank you for the realness and the depth of your vulnerability and the recipes too of course. I love that I can pull your books down off the shelf and hear from you again anytime.
You were always an inspiration to me. You didn’t know me but I quietly admired everything you shared. The Garden Of Vegan is where we met 20+ years ago, I followed Furgus to the back yard for his poop zoomies. I cried when you lost him. I followed your store, and when I closed my own gift shop last year I found courage to shut the door on that dream thinking back to when you did the same with grace and beauty. I admired your inspirational relationship with Geri. Your love for one another, no limits, no bounds. I devoured every podcast of Meet The Kramers. I took electric bike rides with you on summer evenings. I was not a stalker, just an admirer of your authenticity, grace and unequivocal coolness. I send love and energy to Geri, who will be so lost for so long. One day her tears will turn into grateful smiles, her heart will no longer feel broken every minute of every hour and she will be able to live with peace knowing that together you both experienced something so lovely and eternal. Soulmate love. May peace come for her swiftly. May her grief be somehow lessened a fraction in knowing how many hearts you both have touched. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, painful, sweet, artistic, creative light with us all.
This post is such a raw and honest look at unlearning old narratives. The metaphor of having the recipe wrong but not tasting it until now really resonated; it’s such a relatable way to describe personal growth. Wishing you so much peace and clarity on this next chapter of your journey.
Geri, I want to first say how sorry I am to hear this sad news. I’m laying in bed with my littlest just putting him down for bed.
I want to tell you that Sarah’s books have been and continue to be such a treasure in my home. I cannot tell you how many times I open their books and it would not be a reach to say they’ve even shaped the type of mother I am; I started cooking with Sarah’s cook books far before I had my littles; they are 3, 6 and 7.
I previously had a different life in Texas working in Oil and gas. It did not make me happy and I scurried home to Canada and am now most of the way through an Education degree. I’ll soon be a Teacher. I needed to switch up the ingredients in my life and now they are just right.
How many Bonnie’s Wacky Cakes have been enjoyed shaped as donuts, cupcakes, and actual cakes by my children?
The answer is every single birthday, every single occasion. I am comforted a little tonight that Sarah will live on in every person who loved them. Sarah’s recipes will certainly be treasured in my home, forever. ❤️ Fuck cancer for taking them, and sending so much love to you Geri.
The first couple of paragraphs could have easily been written by my self, and that’s how I found it so easy to relate to you and feel accepted for being me. Thank you for this amazing last post and your wisdom. I’m so glad that our paths crossed, you have been such a positive influence and role model, kind and sweet. I always looked up to you in admiration. Thank you . I’m so glad that you were here. I’m so glad that you were you.
My favourite memory of you was sharing a ridiculous photo of my bad haircut with the triangle bob frizz from when I was an adolescent because the face I made in the photo out of anger at my father for taking it was truly horrific. I remember it made you laugh and you made me the winner of some products for curly hair, which made me feel pleased as punch! But the best part was that you laughed so hard and that made my day.
Thank you for your generosity and kindness
Though i haven’t seen you in years, never walked through life with you, the impression you made on me was lasting Sarah. Bright, energy, direct, open, kind, welcoming, curious and bursting with creative, like a meteor.
Thank you, Sarah. Just thank you.
I’m going to read this over and over and over and over again..
Oh my love you little trickster! Here I thought my playlist was going on for hours with an assortment of songs to push through all the feelings and it was just my own playlist singing to me after Tom. I kept thinking you and Geri spent a lot of time with the beautiful Mr Waits. Well played. I’ll love you forever and I’ll be seeing you in my dreams. I love you Geri. Holding you tightly as you move through each day feeling how so incredibly loved you are.
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Thank you so very much for everything.
Thank you. What a beautiful final message. I remember seeing “La Dolce Vegan” in the bookstore when I was first moving out on my own. I admired it and saved up for it and have used it (and all your other cookbooks) regularly. I’ve been admiring from afar all those years since, and I even have a few personal messages from you I’ve held dear.
I spent tonight baking some of my favorites from your books – and even tried a new one. I cried while baking (not the salty ingrediant required im guessing), and honoring all you had done for me as a figurehead of sorts when I was a young city kid vegan.
Ill continue to be inspired by you and Geri, and I send all my love and more to those who knew you and grieve you
Thank you for committing to yourself and living a very You life. So inspirational and honestly, rare and special to be able to witness in others. We love you always.
beautiful read. unimaginably heartbreaking.